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 | | ILLUSTRATION: SIMOUL ALVA FOR WSJ | | |
| | Week 3: Revive a Contact From the Past | | |
| It's never too late to say…hey, it's been a while, want to be in my network? Okay, you're not going to be that blunt. But this week, we're focusing on restarting conversations with old contacts. Your last boss, that colleague in the Los Angeles office, even that person you always admired in the marketing department at your first gig. | | |
| They can all become connections again if you reach out in the right way. After all, the past few years have been weird. People have been shaking off their pandemic isolation and stress, rethinking their careers and lives and opening themselves up to new opportunities. Take advantage of the moment. Now is a natural time to start again. This challenge will defuse the awkwardness of reaching out to an old contact and get you back to where you left off—or stronger. Come along for a trip down memory lane that will move you forward. — Rachel Feintzeig, former columnist, Work & Life | |
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This week's challenge teaches you about: | |
Bringing old contacts back into the fold | |
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| | | ⏰ Suggested time: 30 minutes | | |
| Step 1: | Figure out your why, and let it guide you ✴️ | | |
| You need a central goal to steer you as you plot your reconnections, says Aimee Cohen, who runs Minneapolis executive-coaching and leadership-development firm ON Point Next Level Leadership. Ask yourself these questions: - Are you looking to get a new job in your field?
- Do you want to pivot to a different industry entirely?
- Do you want to build fresh skills, find a mentor or generate more client referrals for your work?
Who you reach out to will depend on your "why," she says. | |
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| Once you have that established, go back to the three lists you created in Week 1. Also run through the modern version of your Rolodex—social-media friends, contacts on your phone. Do a gut check as you pause on someone's name. "Your body doesn't lie," Cohen says. "Do you light up, have fond memories?" Which people meant something to you; which ones are you naturally curious about? Scrolling through my LinkedIn contacts took me back to an old job in healthcare, and experts on the complex legal and finance topics I used to write about. It was fun and intriguing to walk through my past and see where everyone's career paths had brought them. I was a little surprised to still feel so warmly about people I hadn't talked to in ages. Follow that feeling in the next steps. And remember: chances are, it's mutual. | |
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| Cue the awkwardness: You haven't talked to this person in years and suddenly you're parachuting into their LinkedIn messages, hoping they'll remember you and, ideally, forget how much time has passed since you've been in touch. Here are a few ways in: State the obvious Don't dance around the fact that it's been a while, just embrace it. Stay true to your own personality, Cohen says, noting that a little humor never hurts. She's opened notes with "Blast from the past," or "I know you might faint at seeing my name in your inbox but___." Or, play on the whirlwind of the last few years. "I know that it's only been three years but it feels like 100 since we've last connected." Know the unknowns Acknowledge that you don't fully know what your long-lost colleague has been up to. Something like, "I see on LinkedIn that you're still at Company X, but I know you can't trust everything you read on the internet," Cohen suggests. "Tell me, what are you up to these days?" Or: "I know so much has changed in the world since we last chatted. Are you still focused on environmental law?" Lend a hand Right after acknowledging that you don't know exactly what's going on in their life, make clear that you want to be helpful to them. For example: "I'm not sure if you're still looking for new clients in Atlanta, but I just came across someone who might be a fit for your practice." And: "I'd love to catch up and hear more about what you're on the hunt for these days." Be real Try to keep your offer specific to their interests and expertise. For instance: "I know it's been a while, but I saw this podcast about triathlons and immediately thought of you. Are you still competing?" News articles, blog posts, even job postings are fair game to send along, as long as you caveat that their life may have changed in the years since you last spoke. You want to show that whatever time has gone by, they—and their specific skills and hobbies—are top of mind for you. | |
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| Pro tip: What not to do ⛔ "The classic error is to reach out after a significant amount of time with a direct ask," Cohen says, like wanting help with a job search or a recommendation. Try to avoid this. You want to be approaching them "from a position of power, not panic," she says. An easy time to reach out is when you're on a career break, or in the earliest stages of plotting a move, says Tami Forman, executive director of Women Back to Work, an organization that works with companies to support women returning to the workforce. If you explain that you're not looking yet, but would love to learn more about their role and experience, that will soften the ask. "People will be much more open to talking about what's going on at their company if they don't think you're going to say, 'Can you put my résumé on someone's desk?'" Forman says. | | |
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| Step 4: | They write back! (Or don't.) | | |
| The best thing about reaching out to an old contact? The relatively low stakes. Pretty much the worst that can happen is a non-response. You can try following up once more after a week or two, but if you're still met with silence, move on. If the notes spark a conversation, go with the flow. Avoid asking for favors, but you can explain the context or moment that prompted you to reach out (here, recall that first step of establishing your goal: you're considering pivoting industries, you're on the hunt for a mentor). For those you really click with, you'll want to take the relationship offline; read on for more on that. | |
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| Pro tip: The apology 🙇 Can you reach out to an old contact if you left on bad terms? I'd assumed the answer to that question was: no way. Ghost, avoid, pretend the falling out or tension never happened! But Cohen says it's possible to reinvigorate a relationship that was previously marked by conflict. The key is saying sorry. There are two reasons to reach out in this situation—if you feel you're going to run into this person again and want to prevent future uncomfortable moments, or if you've had some personal growth as time has passed and want to make amends. Write something like: "I've thought a lot about our interactions all those years ago, and it feels important to reach out and offer an apology." Then: "I hope you're doing well. I hope our paths will cross again at some point and that we can move forward positively," Cohen advises. "There's no statute of limitations on an apology," she adds. Offering one up shows growth and that you're taking ownership. "You're not asking for anything in return," she says. | | |
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| Step 5: | Be the ideal lunch date 🍽️ | | |
| Hitting it off with an old contact? It's time for lunch. (Or breakfast, or drinks.) The No. 1 rule: Be ready to commit, says Cohen. If you float the invitation, you can't be noncommittal or difficult to schedule with. Be transparent, too. Years ago, I asked a former boss out to lunch. She immediately fit me into her calendar. When we got to the restaurant, she turned to me and pointedly asked what I needed help with. Did I have an outside job offer I needed to navigate? I'd just wanted to chat and say hello, but she'd assumed I had an urgent career query and cleared her busy schedule to help. Instead of making my mistake, give a time range to the person you're proposing a meeting with and provide them with a sense of what you want to talk about. You're considering becoming a manager, or you want their advice on graduate programs. There's no rush, any time this fall should work to get together. | |
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| ☑️ Home in on a central goal that's going to tie together your reunion efforts. ☑️ Break the ice by embracing the fact that it's been a while. ☑️ Offer to help, while acknowledging that you might not know the latest details of their career. ☑️ Keep it specific to their interests and goals. ☑️ Be transparent, accommodating and committed when setting up in-person meetings. | |
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| 🥳 Celebrate your wins! Are you now back in touch with an old contact? Let us know how you did it and what especially worked for you at careers@wsj.com. | |
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| 💡 COMING NEXT WEEK: Reaching for the stars | |
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