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 | | ILLUSTRATION: JON KRAUSE FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL | | |
| | Week 4: Add an Act of Kindness to the Middle of Your Day | | |
| When I moved into my house a couple of years ago, I had a neighbor who I waved to but never exchanged more than a few words with. One day, she asked about a plant in my garden. I offered her some seeds. She was grateful. That small act of kindness felt really good. | | |
| The simple act of doing something to help someone else isn't just good for the other person, but also for ourselves. Research has suggested that when people are kind, they are healthier and happier. Acts of kindness don't have to be complicated or expensive. A helpful gesture or a few nice words can make a big difference. And we can practice kindness with strangers or our nearest and dearest. This week let's find some fun and creative ways of doing good out there—while surprising ourselves along the way with how good it can make us feel. —Anne Marie Chaker, former reporter, WSJ personal health & wellness bureau | |
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This week's challenge teaches you about: | |
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 | | ILLUSTRATION: TAMMY LIAN | Get into the groove | | "Treat People with Kindness" by Harry Styles The uplifting lyrics say that when we treat people with kindness we can "find a place to feel good." Which is exactly what research shows! | | | | |
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| | | Instead of steps, this challenge will be organized as days. You'll spend the first two days identifying someone who could use a lift and figuring out what you can do for them. Next, you'll put your skills into action with a stranger. At the end of the week, look inward: Find time to be kind to yourself, too. | | |
| Day 1: | Start by making a list. | | |
| Off the top of your head, are there names that come to mind of people who may need some help or a boost? It could be an overwhelmed mom, an elderly neighbor or a colleague who could use a check-in. You can also think about those closest to you who could use a special gesture: Your spouse or partner? A sibling? A friend you haven't talked to lately? | |
| Day 2: | Pick one person from your list and find the right moment to step in. | | |
| If a coworker or an acquaintance appears lonely or stressed, something as simple as a smile, a few warm words and a bit of conversation could help. A neighbor with health issues might need help with errands, groceries or yard work. Offer to help or ask if they need a hand this week. Do you have kids the same age as a single parent at school? Maybe he or she would like an evening off. Offer to host a playdate at your house. For someone close, think of a way to spend time together that would be fun for both of you. Recently, I started a mah-jongg group for beginners, where friends and family gather in my living room once a week, and we all contribute toward the cost of the instructor. I knew my mother—who had experienced a devastating recent loss—loved games and could benefit from some camaraderie. I had always wanted to learn to play mah-jongg, and this was a way to invite multiple friends to join in some fun. | |
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| You don't have to plan for acts of kindness, they can just happen in the moment. If it doesn't happen organically, identify one place you're going to today and commit an act of kindness when you go there. At the grocery store? Let a harried parent with children pass as they wait in line behind you. On the train? Give your seat to an elderly person. Perhaps there's a parking lot you find busy and stressful. When you're there, put away someone else's cart, carry their groceries or help someone cross the street. Remember: The bar doesn't need to be high. We often feel like doing something kind has to be elaborate. But we don't have to put so much pressure on ourselves. | |
| Day 4: | Reflect on how it's going. | | |
| A part of the brain's reward system activates when you do something kind, responding similarly to eating chocolate cake, my colleague Elizabeth Bernstein has written. "Even if you don't get something back, sometimes it feels good to know that you can do something without the need for anything in return," says Neda Gould, a psychologist and director of the Johns Hopkins Mindfulness Program. Eventually, the person might smile or offer a word of thanks. And when we see that response, our brain releases oxytocin, helping us to feel good and to bond. This, Elizabeth writes, makes the experience last longer—and makes us want to do it more. | |
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| Tyler J. VanderWeele, an epidemiology professor and director of the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, points to research that shows that five acts of kindness performed in one day can have a greater effect on feelings of one's own well-being than when the acts are spread over the course of a week. "So if you are trying to do five in one day, think of small things," he says, such as offering someone a compliment or taking the kids out so your spouse can have a break. | |
| Day 6: | Let others know you're thinking of them. | | |
| Often, what matters most isn't the act itself, but the feeling that others are thinking about you. When I had Covid-19, a neighbor dropped off a tray of baked ziti. It meant a lot that someone I didn't know well cared enough to help make things a little easier while I was sick. Even if it's something you haven't done (or haven't done yet), tell someone that you plan to do something for them in the future and that you're thinking of them. | |
| Day 7: | Be kind to yourself. | | |
| The ultimate act of kindness might be the kindness we bestow on ourselves. So replace the negative self-talk with words that are positive. Try an exercise I did recently at a retreat: Think about the negative things you say to yourself and ask if you would say those things to your friend sitting right next to you. (The answer, I suspect, is no.) Set aside time one day this week to do something for yourself. Take a bath. Read a book. Meditate. Work out. "If we don't set aside some time to refuel our tanks, then we are going to have difficulty being kind to others when we feel so depleted," says Gould. | |
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| ☑️ Identify who you want to be kind to. Who needs a lift? Is there someone you feel like you have neglected? ☑️ Create a plan and make the time. Scheduling your act of kindness will make you more likely to do it. ☑️ Set the bar low. An act of kindness doesn't need to be complicated, and smaller acts are easier to do more often. ☑️ Keep going, even if your act doesn't elicit the appreciative response you were hoping for. ☑️ Don't forget yourself! | |
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| 🎉 That's it! You've completed our four-week healthy habits email challenge! 🎉 | |
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| 🥳 Celebrate your wins! What did you do for your act of kindness? How did it go? | |
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| This series was originally published in January 2023. | |
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